Homesickness while still at home

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men... Ecclesiates 3:11

Pre trip week. I KNOW those words stir up many images in the minds of mothers everywhere.

For me, the challenge of pre trip week includes an inexplicable need to nest, in addition to actually packing. I've heard I am not the only one. This need to nest multiples rapidly if I am leaving children at home. Which I am. In 5 days.

Phil, Hannah and I will be leaving for Uganda on Saturday. Peter, David and Cameron will be in the U.S., together and split up, in Murfreesboro, at the beach, and in Dallas visiting grandparents. I have been so excited about Africa for weeks..... and I still am.... but to be honest, yesterday I got homesick. And I'm still here.

I can remember seasons when my focus was so much on home. Be it because I had little ones here everyday all day, or because we had not yet had our hearts pricked by the the inspiration to go on these trips to other cultures, I remember when my EXTRA energies, my project and over and above the routine efforts were ALL geared toward home. Sometimes I miss that, sometimes I wish my heart were not pulled in directions which are worlds apart. But the fact is, a knowledge and a longing have been born in the hearts of our family, and it cannot be undone. Along side that longing is another, for all the loves of our hearts to be made right, in one home, without separation by miles, poverty, hunger, and disease. We look forward and long for that day, and we have every reason to hope.

And in the end, the end is

Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

andrew-peterson.com

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life........ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

The in the back of my mind urging to sit down and write... but what about... there is too much ... it has been to long.... has finally given way to pushing the "new post" button and seeing what tumbles out of my jumbled overflowing heart and mind. Our home life right now is a whirling existence, dotted by sweet sweet times together. We are pulled in many directions and involved on many fronts in pursuing growth, in pursuing travel, in pursuing a deeper more intimate relationship with God. I reflected.... looking for a central theme, hoping it would bubble to the surface. New. hmmmm

Hmmmmm. Hannah, 16, is thinking about schools. LikeUniversity school, like leave your mama and daddy and pack up your clothes and books and photos and our money and drive away and don't wake up in your bed every day in the light blue room with the brown silk curtains down the hall from the kitchen kind of school. I have always said every SINGLE time we get just a little bit comfortable with any stage of parenting God is more than happy to undo that comfortableness by propelling Hannah onto the next giant parenting stage. Keeps us

humble, dependent, seeking wisdom. Right where we need to be. Hannah is a brave girl, formulating her next adventure. Is it fair to say I am thrilled for her and devastated for myself?

She has been required to work through knee surgery which completely interrupted her summer - basketball, summer camp, and driving her jeep with the standard transmission.

But she is on a journey back to health, working hard at rehab, pursuing a full IB diploma, singing with our youth praise band, and being a precious daughter.

Peter, 15 as of Thursday, has made the giant leap from the comfortable lap of precious and nurturing and

challenging and wisdom instilling Providence Christian Academy, the classical school he has attended since he was a

little old wise 5 year old baby to Big Huge

awesomely diverse and wisdom using and wonderfully stretching Oakland High School, the 6A public high school down the street. It is SOOO interesting to listen to Peter, to watch him put into practice all of the that has been poured into him all of these 15 years, to watch him get comfortable and be himself, and love people who on the outside seem nothing like him, and to work, to work at his classes, to work at multiple

positions on the freshman football team,

to work at baseball (his true passion), to work at time management, to work at basketball, being a family member, being a Christ follower. He is a BIG boy, like bigger than his daddy big, and a BIG joy to behold.

David, oh David, 13 and fierce. Fiercely passionate about music and about hitting a baseball and about hitting on the football field. Fiercely gentle in spirit, fiercely descriptive in writing, and fiercely hungry all the time. Our baby David, our peace maker and muse, has MATURED into a young MAN David. David is a deep conversation on the spur of the moment any time of day or night. He is still a great mimic, be it Sid from Ice Age or the Joker from the Dark Knight ( I don't like that one).... he is good.

He makes us laugh. David is developing his skills on drums and the guitar, he is a dedicated student of both. He is a great brother and a great friend. His last year of middle school, WHEN did this happen??? Next year he joins Peter and Hannah... in High School.

Cameron, nearly 12, baby Mammie, he is a joy these days. Something very precocious in Cameron has softened into a delightful pre adolescent sensitivity. If you have known us a long time you will remember that Cameron completely rejected his place as the youngest in the family and insisted for years that he wanted to be the boss (first words I heard in the morning from his two and three year old lips from his crib ).... that he NEEDED to be the boss.... Bless his heart. The fact was he had a million bosses all around him and he did not like that. Time has told, as did many amused spectators from that time, that as long as he chose to align his passionate heart with good, we would be in great shape. He has grown to pour that heart out on the basketball court, baseball and football fields, in friendships with children in the Dominican Republic on our mission trips, in writing, in drawing, in singing! We are all dreading the day when Cameron shoots up and grows up, the last glimmer of child we have in the house.

I remember when our children were little, 1,2,4, and 5 for example we would laugh and say, "just imagine when they are ALL teenagers. I'm not sure what we thought that meant, but I doubt we imagined this...... these real senses of humor, real dreams, capacity for real work, these fledgeling responsible, persevering people. I also doubt we dreamed that such silliness between them would continue to run rampant the way that it does.

Even on days when I am a tad bit worn out from driving to and fro and to and fro and to and fro, from washing very very smelly enormous socks turned inside out of course, from staying up late with those who are up, and rising "somewhat" early for those who need to, and even tired of hearing opinions about my thoughts and plans when I used to only hear "yes, m'am, mama, that sounds fun!"... I am so thankful, truly, humbly grateful, for each of these babies 3/4th grown. I adore this season, that is so fleeting, and all that it means to be "mama".