I've struggled to write lately because... I'm overwhelmed by my feelings. I don't think I can get them down in words. There are so many different things happening the the hearts of our family, maybe because our children our getting to an age where their faith is maturing rapidly, or maybe because they are walking through hard places where they have not been required to walk before. The hard places have always been where those deep wells of Gods grace and provision have been carved out in my life and in Phil's. I must admit that I looked toward these teenage years with some anxiety, but I was very very mistaken. I underestimated the joy, the encouragement, the gratitude that I would feel upon hearing a son say, "Mom, if we had known each other as kids, I know we would have been best friends" or a daughter bringing her hopes, hurts, convictions and passions to us to talk through.
God is working overtime in our household right now enlarging mine and Phil's hearts. Our travels to Peru, Dominican Republic, Phil to Africa have opened the hearts and minds of our entire family to possibilities we would never have dreamed feasible before. God is really not about feasible. We have noticed. We want more of those "I can't do this, He is going to have to show up, WOW here He is, look what He has done" experiences. Once you taste them, there is really no going back.
And I've noticed, it is much about love and fear. "Perfect love casts out all fear". I've read that many times. I didn't really get it. I'm getting it now. God's love for me casts out my fears, cancels them, makes them void and powerless. God's love for my children comforts me in my fears for them, renders them silly, useless, and false. God's love for Phil empowers him to love us, touch hurting people, find purpose in his work; it dissolves his fear of the future, making a mistake, harm touching his family. God's love for all of us, his self sacrificing, relentless, overwhelming love for us abolishes all fear of what His plans for us might hold. He has shown Himself to be loving and merciful, wise and astounding, to this point in our lives. His faithful love for us will continue to be sufficient in the future. It is all of these things, and more that I cannot express, which have filled my heart to overflowing.
"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry..... .....There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love." 1 John 4: 17-18 the message
