For H

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear

guard. 9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I... 10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and

satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never

fail. Isaiah 58:8-11

“Go before”, “hold”, “strengthen”. Those were the words running through my mind as I searched my memory, and then my online search tools for words from His Word to comfort my baby girl. Following knee surgery last June for a torn meniscus, Hannah has been working to rejoin her basketball team and to run track in the spring. However, her pain has not subsided as expected. A MRI last week revealed the reason why - Hannah's knee is not healing, it is deteriorating, rapidly. Her doctors see no good course of action, thought action must be taken. We will see a specialist in Chicago on Monday.

Hannah loves to move, to run fast, to jump, work hard and sweat. It has always been a joy to watch her. She also is in love with her Savior. She knows where to take her joys and her frustrations. She shares those things with her family and friends, but she knows as humans we may fail her, and that her Savior never will. She is looking for the mercies He is already showing in this trying time, taking note. She is grieving over the losses but anticipating His works.

God has knit Hannah together so marvelously, and you, and me. Hannah’s knee contained a meniscus that is unusually circular and thick, and her femur, where it enters her knee joint, is flattened rather than the usual rounded shape, variations that worked beautifully together until she was injured. These variations are also what is challenging to her doctors... she needs a meniscal transplant, but she is not a good candidate because of her unusual anatomy. Those are the facts from our perspective. The marvelous truth, however, is that Hannah’s Lord God is privy to a COMPLETE perspective, to all of the wisdom, to all of the power, to all of the mercy, and to all of the love needed to deliver Hannah however He chooses. What a delight to live as a daughter of such a God, with out fear in spite of sadness, with hope in spite of pain. Thank you for joining us in lifting Hannah up to such a God, and to Him be all the glory.

Homesickness while still at home

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men... Ecclesiates 3:11

Pre trip week. I KNOW those words stir up many images in the minds of mothers everywhere.

For me, the challenge of pre trip week includes an inexplicable need to nest, in addition to actually packing. I've heard I am not the only one. This need to nest multiples rapidly if I am leaving children at home. Which I am. In 5 days.

Phil, Hannah and I will be leaving for Uganda on Saturday. Peter, David and Cameron will be in the U.S., together and split up, in Murfreesboro, at the beach, and in Dallas visiting grandparents. I have been so excited about Africa for weeks..... and I still am.... but to be honest, yesterday I got homesick. And I'm still here.

I can remember seasons when my focus was so much on home. Be it because I had little ones here everyday all day, or because we had not yet had our hearts pricked by the the inspiration to go on these trips to other cultures, I remember when my EXTRA energies, my project and over and above the routine efforts were ALL geared toward home. Sometimes I miss that, sometimes I wish my heart were not pulled in directions which are worlds apart. But the fact is, a knowledge and a longing have been born in the hearts of our family, and it cannot be undone. Along side that longing is another, for all the loves of our hearts to be made right, in one home, without separation by miles, poverty, hunger, and disease. We look forward and long for that day, and we have every reason to hope.

And in the end, the end is

Oceans and oceans
Of love and love again
We'll see how the tears that have fallen
Were caught in the palms
Of the Giver of love and the Lover of all
And we'll look back on these tears as old tales

'Cause after the last tear falls
There is love

andrew-peterson.com

"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life........ to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

The in the back of my mind urging to sit down and write... but what about... there is too much ... it has been to long.... has finally given way to pushing the "new post" button and seeing what tumbles out of my jumbled overflowing heart and mind. Our home life right now is a whirling existence, dotted by sweet sweet times together. We are pulled in many directions and involved on many fronts in pursuing growth, in pursuing travel, in pursuing a deeper more intimate relationship with God. I reflected.... looking for a central theme, hoping it would bubble to the surface. New. hmmmm

Hmmmmm. Hannah, 16, is thinking about schools. LikeUniversity school, like leave your mama and daddy and pack up your clothes and books and photos and our money and drive away and don't wake up in your bed every day in the light blue room with the brown silk curtains down the hall from the kitchen kind of school. I have always said every SINGLE time we get just a little bit comfortable with any stage of parenting God is more than happy to undo that comfortableness by propelling Hannah onto the next giant parenting stage. Keeps us

humble, dependent, seeking wisdom. Right where we need to be. Hannah is a brave girl, formulating her next adventure. Is it fair to say I am thrilled for her and devastated for myself?

She has been required to work through knee surgery which completely interrupted her summer - basketball, summer camp, and driving her jeep with the standard transmission.

But she is on a journey back to health, working hard at rehab, pursuing a full IB diploma, singing with our youth praise band, and being a precious daughter.

Peter, 15 as of Thursday, has made the giant leap from the comfortable lap of precious and nurturing and

challenging and wisdom instilling Providence Christian Academy, the classical school he has attended since he was a

little old wise 5 year old baby to Big Huge

awesomely diverse and wisdom using and wonderfully stretching Oakland High School, the 6A public high school down the street. It is SOOO interesting to listen to Peter, to watch him put into practice all of the that has been poured into him all of these 15 years, to watch him get comfortable and be himself, and love people who on the outside seem nothing like him, and to work, to work at his classes, to work at multiple

positions on the freshman football team,

to work at baseball (his true passion), to work at time management, to work at basketball, being a family member, being a Christ follower. He is a BIG boy, like bigger than his daddy big, and a BIG joy to behold.

David, oh David, 13 and fierce. Fiercely passionate about music and about hitting a baseball and about hitting on the football field. Fiercely gentle in spirit, fiercely descriptive in writing, and fiercely hungry all the time. Our baby David, our peace maker and muse, has MATURED into a young MAN David. David is a deep conversation on the spur of the moment any time of day or night. He is still a great mimic, be it Sid from Ice Age or the Joker from the Dark Knight ( I don't like that one).... he is good.

He makes us laugh. David is developing his skills on drums and the guitar, he is a dedicated student of both. He is a great brother and a great friend. His last year of middle school, WHEN did this happen??? Next year he joins Peter and Hannah... in High School.

Cameron, nearly 12, baby Mammie, he is a joy these days. Something very precocious in Cameron has softened into a delightful pre adolescent sensitivity. If you have known us a long time you will remember that Cameron completely rejected his place as the youngest in the family and insisted for years that he wanted to be the boss (first words I heard in the morning from his two and three year old lips from his crib ).... that he NEEDED to be the boss.... Bless his heart. The fact was he had a million bosses all around him and he did not like that. Time has told, as did many amused spectators from that time, that as long as he chose to align his passionate heart with good, we would be in great shape. He has grown to pour that heart out on the basketball court, baseball and football fields, in friendships with children in the Dominican Republic on our mission trips, in writing, in drawing, in singing! We are all dreading the day when Cameron shoots up and grows up, the last glimmer of child we have in the house.

I remember when our children were little, 1,2,4, and 5 for example we would laugh and say, "just imagine when they are ALL teenagers. I'm not sure what we thought that meant, but I doubt we imagined this...... these real senses of humor, real dreams, capacity for real work, these fledgeling responsible, persevering people. I also doubt we dreamed that such silliness between them would continue to run rampant the way that it does.

Even on days when I am a tad bit worn out from driving to and fro and to and fro and to and fro, from washing very very smelly enormous socks turned inside out of course, from staying up late with those who are up, and rising "somewhat" early for those who need to, and even tired of hearing opinions about my thoughts and plans when I used to only hear "yes, m'am, mama, that sounds fun!"... I am so thankful, truly, humbly grateful, for each of these babies 3/4th grown. I adore this season, that is so fleeting, and all that it means to be "mama".

Longing

My three boys are away.  Hannah is busy with basketball and independence.  Phil is working odd hours into evenings.  Our house is so quiet, urgent demands on my time so reduced, and I am unwinding.  The days before the boys left were overflowing with to do's and sleep was scarce.  But now that I'm rested, I am floundering. 

Bills to pay, pictures to hang,  bunnies' cage to clean, newly seeded lawn to water, files to organize, photos to send, phone calls to return, albums to work on, closets to clean out, beds to make, plants to pot, repairs to schedule, groceries to buy, embroidery to finish, mission projects to plan, meals to cook, exercise to get.  I don't feel like any of it.  I miss them.  

I think that I do not have enough time for all the things I want to do and need to do, and "if I didn't have to.... I could get everything done".  Not true.  Interesting.  

Longing.  

To hear my boys, to see what they are doing, talk about it, smell them.  

To drive Hannah where she needs to go, talk on the way... on the way home.  

To have Phil here at bedtime, read and talk.  

Longing. 

For family under my feet, in the house, noisy and happy and together.  

Will wonders never cease.

"The world will never starve for want of wonders, but only for want of wonder." G.K. Chesterton

Daily life.  Commonplace. Astounding.  Pause.  See.  Listen.  Beauty.

A new place to record the beauty of everyday life, words and images.

beautyinthecommonplace.blogspot.com

I need Africa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAB-zJPsJjs

Returning

"In repentance (returning) and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...... Isaiah 30:15

I adore this verse.  It was first given to me at a most painful time, when I was craving relief from hard things, and my salvation at that time was, in fact quite literally, rest .... and.... quiet ... and trust.  I gave myself permission to withdraw from as many everyday demands as possible and to rest in the arms of my Savior. In quiet, He held me, comforted me, and that time of rest and quiet WAS my ONLY strength. Every day I would get away by myself to be still before Him; I would write His word into my notebook(s) and as a result into my thoughts.  It was a place of desperation where I could not function without Him.  It was a sweet time in a way in spite of the pain.  Because of the pain.  Over time, through His healing of my heart, my countenance was restored.  

Unfortunately.  

There is a second part of this verse:

but you would have none of it." (emphasis mine)

God was laying out before Israel, through Isaiah, the fact that he offered to them salvation through repentance and resting quietly in His provision for them, but they were obstinate in their pursuits of protection and relief in other sources. (them: oracles, Pharaoh, idols,  whining    -    me: counsel of man, spa treatments, naps, books, etc..)  

Presently, my life is lacking in quiet.  Each day is full to the brim with "to do" and left undone.  The things that are filling my days are wonderful things for the most part (minus laundry). But it is more than I can do well, so I stay up later and get up earlier but see little real progress.  Why?  I am craving the quiet and permission to live there. It is not only in the pain that I need him, but in the abundance.  I want to be His, all His, poured out and used up. But being poured out requires living maximally, not reserving supplies for later.  At this level of "living", which is the life that I desire, quiet and rest in Him are required in daily doses as my strength is depleted each day.  The quiet I crave is not only physical in terms of "lack of noise", though physical quiet often brings sweet revelation.  I have found that it is more about a quietness in my heart and mind that is the long lasting source of strength and foundation of peace which carries me long after I have left the physical quiet.

In repentance, in returning to Christ's presence with all of my confessions of failure, my anxieties and fears, my hopes and needs, I am reminded of who He is, all He is, and who I am, which is HIS.  A sister, and child, an heir, beloved, forgiven, protected, redeemed, adopted, secure, free, established in Him.  As I declare who He is I am changed.  I am quieted and I am strong.  

Not because I am, but because of I AM.

To overflowing

I've struggled to write lately because... I'm overwhelmed by my feelings.  I don't think I can get them down in words.  There are so many different things happening the the hearts of our family, maybe because our children our getting to an age where their faith is maturing rapidly, or maybe because they are walking through hard places where they have not been required to walk before.  The hard places have always been where those deep wells of Gods grace and provision have been carved out in my life and in Phil's.   I must admit that I looked toward these teenage years with some anxiety, but I was very very mistaken.  I underestimated the joy, the encouragement, the gratitude that I would feel upon hearing a son say, "Mom, if we had known each other as kids, I know we would have been best friends" or a daughter bringing her hopes, hurts, convictions and passions to us to talk through.  

 

God is working overtime in our household right now enlarging mine and Phil's hearts.  Our travels to Peru, Dominican Republic, Phil to Africa have opened the hearts and minds of our entire family to possibilities we would never have dreamed feasible before.  God is really not about feasible.  We have noticed.  We want more of those "I can't do this, He is going to have to show up, WOW here He is, look what He has done" experiences.  Once you taste them, there is really no going back.  

 

And I've noticed, it is much about love and fear.  "Perfect love casts out all fear".  I've read that many times.  I didn't really get it. I'm getting it now.  God's love for me casts out my fears, cancels them, makes them void and powerless.  God's love for my children comforts me in my fears for them, renders them silly, useless, and false.  God's love for Phil empowers him to love us, touch hurting people, find purpose in his work; it dissolves his fear of the future, making a mistake, harm touching his family.  God's love for all of us, his self sacrificing, relentless, overwhelming love for us abolishes all fear of what His plans for us might hold.  He has shown Himself to be loving and merciful, wise and astounding, to this point in our lives.  His faithful love for us will continue to be sufficient in the future.  It is all of these things, and more that I cannot express, which have filled my heart to overflowing. 

"God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry.....  .....There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love."      1 John 4: 17-18 the message 

"...with freedom and with confidence."

Current State of affairs:  Basketball season has officially begun.  Basketball season is a great time at our house because all four kids play so everyone understands and really gets into the game.  Everyone enjoys watching each other, though that is fairly rare.  The downside is that with 90 games in 95 days, Phil and I do not get to see everyone play every game.  That is STILL difficult for us.  This year we have actually mapped out a schedule to make sure each of us get to see each child play around the same number of games.  I think maybe we get to be at the SAME game three times:(  So if you only see one of us at the gym, or neither of us, please cheer for the Newman who is playing and know we are watching another child somewhere else.  

Hannah's primary sport is basketball and we all admire her hard work, including getting to school at 6:15 or 6:45 for practice three days per week and staying til 6 most days, all of which has made her a stronger better player.  She will be playing with Oakland's varsity this year at  guard, and is a definite shooting threat.  Oakland's team has worked incredibly hard conditioning for this season, and what they lack in size they have in speed.  We are amazed at the progress Hannah has made.

Because everyone plays, the kids work together to get better in the driveway, in the garage, and whenever possible at the PCA gym.  Peter and David sometimes get to help with Cameron's practices.  Peter will often say to Cameron, "let's go outside, I want to show you something you could do."  Peter has learned to "teach" in a manner that is easily accepted, that does not feel like criticism.  

 

Peter is playing on the first PCA High School Boy's team as an eighth grader and also on PCA's Middle School team with David.   There is something wonderful as a parent about seeing two or more of our children working together on an athletic field, like the fast break last week when Peter made a strong pass to David who completed the lay up.  It really is very special. Peter is working hard for both teams and it is requiring a great deal of time.  We have to be careful that everyone has enough time for school work and SLEEP.  David is a solid addition to the PCA Middle School team as a guard.  David has also developed a habit of getting up early before school to hit baseball's off the Tee in our garage, baseball being the first love of both David and Peter.    

 

Cameron is playing on a 5th and 6th grade team for PCA and also on a team of 5th and 6th graders on a competitive team that will play together fall and spring.  Basketball may emerge as Cameron's primary sport as well.  He is fun to watch, I think because of all the time he has spent playing with and trying to keep up with Hannah, Peter and David at home.  

  

We talk constantly at our house about playing for God's glory.  What does that mean?  Is it just a thank you to God at the end of a great game, giving Him the credit?  It is certainly that, but is it only that?   I have come to believe that a large part of playing for His glory lies in freedom.  The freedom to succeed or to fail, the freedom to play with abandon regardless of the outcome because your purpose in PLAYING is to honor Him with your gift, your health, your body, your life.  This mindset frees my children from fear of a mistake, fear of "letting the team down",  fear of  correction from a coach (or parent for that matter).  If our identity lies in the freedom we have in Christ, then our identity is not affected by our performance in athletics or any other endeavor.  That is the freedom Phil and I hope for our children, and for ourselves.  

 

Well there you have it.  This season consists of crock pot dinners eaten at odd hours, meals out after games, homework in the car and whenever possible, working hard to get enough sleep, constant stream of uniforms and practice gear to wash,  never enough underamour, the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat and the goal of playing with abandon in freedom as a Child of God.  I would only hope the very same freedom for us all.  

"In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and with confidence." Ephesians 3:12

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free."  Galations 5:1

A Few of my Favorite Things

It has occurred to me that there are certain simple things in my life that brings me a great deal of joy, disproportionate to their apparent worth or actual value.  Now I am not talking about joy as compared to the joy of relationships with my family and friends or my Lord and Savior.   More like everyday kind of pleasure in using something that is just right for the job or that adds beauty to everyday life.  Do you have those things, too?  For example, I love my handheld stick blender.  Really, really love it!  It is almost silly - but I love how small it is, taking up little space, I love the way it purees tomatoes right in the can before I add them to cheese dip or chili which makes my non tomato eating child very happy, I love the way it makes a protein shake for me mixing the powder, ice, peanut butter and 1 splenda perfectly smooth like a yummy milkshake in one easy non messy step.  This blender is my favorite gift to give, along with recipes for what it is good for.  

Anyway, my blender love has inspired me to take note of the every day things that bring me joy.  It has also moved me to consider how many "things" I have in my home that DO NOT bring any joy, but rather are robbing me of peace because of the excess.  What if our home only contained  things that we either love or need - that either bring beauty or function? Can you imagine the order... the peace?  All that could be passed along to those who need it?  Time for more questions, isn't it?  (Do I use it, need it, love it?)  

Anyway here is my list..my L list.. a work in progress: (note: this is a list of THINGS, favorites regarding people would be a different and much longer list)

Hand held Immersion Blender which inspired this post(function)

McCarty Popcorn bowls (not used for popcorn, but used for EVERYTHING else)(beauty and function)

McCarty  Tumblers (beauty and function)

Crock Pot Liners (function) Extreme joy when I remember to use one, now I store them IN the crock pot

Stainless Steel Crock Pot with attached lid and removable crock (function)(this one items brings more peace to my home than a week at a spa)

Pampered Chef paring and chef knives, heavy and sharp (function)

Woven straw floral mat, purchased w/ Cameron in the Bahamian straw market that perfectly fits our Lazy Susan. (beauty and function and good memories)

Said Lazy Susan, referred to as the "round thing", still (function)

The pearls Phil gave me for our 14th Anniversary, a significant year in our marriage (beauty)

The Pachelbel Cd that I play when I need a sense of peace as I restore an unorderly house to order in our small and amazing Bose system; that CD never fails to invite said peace. (beauty and function)

My cup of sharpened pencils

The bookshelves, floor to ceiling, in our study and all they contain (function... some beauty)

Mrs. Myers Clean Day Lavender and Lemon Verbena laundry products (function beautiful smells)

additions and photos to follow

I'd love to hear about your favorites ... 

at least the first one off the top of your head....

ready, set, comment!

We have simplified..... repeatedly.  

I mean it.  

We have made difficult phone calls, explained reasons why we cannot ____. 

And yet, I was miserable for days leading up to last weekend .... all in the name of fun.

And I feel the same noose of stress tightening as I look toward the weekend to come.  

I am conceding the impossibility, physical impossibility, of our family calendar.

I know we agreed to (most of) it.  Frankly, it really isn't overboard in any one area. Each child plays one sport at a time, very little overlap if any.    We are involved with things at school, not everything.  Hannah is in choir, boys guitar and drums.   We are involved in youth group. Everyone has social things to do.  Phil has a job.  But it is not working.  

And when I began to despair.... I resolve to reflect. 

What matters? 

What are we trying to accomplish during the years that our children live at home?

In the midst of the compromises, planning ahead, sharing rides with friends, making choices, what do we want our kids (and ourselves) to practice and to learn?

To ask questions.

Why am I doing what I am doing? 

In what way does it matter, help others, develop the traits I/we am striving for?

Does it have temporary or eternal significance? 

What is my motivation for doing it?  Because others are? Source of pride? Is it a should or a want to?  Or is it something I/we are called to?

Does it develop a God given talent in a balanced way?  and bring Him glory?

In what way does it develop character, teach lessons, grow me/us spiritually?

We have so little time with our children at home.  It is necessary to pinpoint our focus and tailor our choices accordingly.  

Repeatedly.

Last night we had dinner together. At home.  We talked about Phil's upcoming trip to Africa, heard his concerns which we can cover in prayer.  We talked about the upcoming basketball season with four teams (parents rotate, we've already mapped out the schedule).  We talked about Hannah's midstate choir audition on Saturday and how we are going to get her to Brentwood,  Phil off to the airport, David to a football game in Goodlettesville, etc...   

Our main challenges as parents have evolved as our kids have gotten older.   At ages 1,2,4,and 5, our challenges were fatigue, time alone EVER, consistency in "mothering", patience to name a few. And stomach virus's.    Ten years later, children ages 11,12,14, and 15, most of my challenges revolve around management of several key areas.  

Managing for everyone to get enough sleep (teens and preteens tend to procrastinate).   

Managing to get everyone where they need to go. Practices and activities are longer, later (or earlier - 6 am before school for example) and more frequent (3-5 times per week rather than 1 or 2).  Even with limits, 1 sport, 1 church, 1 music activity times 4 kids divided by 2 parents equals conflict management. 

Managing to eat dinner together EVER at whatever time is deemed necessary around Phil's ever changing shift and practices/meetings.  

Managing the laundry.  Maybe it is because everyones clothes are bigger?  Or maybe because they wear one thing to school, one to practice/game, and then another after practice? Maybe because we are rarely home?  Whatever the cause, laundry is a challenge I am not winning. 

Managing meaningful conversation with each other.   Phil and I together and with each child. There is sooo much to talk about, to talk through at these ages and when a teenager is ready to talk it is time to listen, sleep or no sleep.  Children this age are amazing to talk to as their family's values and opinions are wrestled through and become their own.  This can be delightful and heart wrenching all within the matter of 10 minutes.  

Some of the best of it happens around the dinner table, when we all can get there.  It may be at 4:30 or we may eat at 9, but when we get to sit down together, table set, candles lit, conversation flowing, oh how sweet it is.  

Let's talk about what happens when I go to the grocery store.

When I go to the grocery store I am inspired to cook dinner.  

We have milk in the morning and milk for the nightly bowl of cereal before bed.  

Lunches for school can be packed before we go to bed instead of delivered to school midmorning. 

I set out after school snacks instead of going to Sonic and homework gets done quicker.

I have a feeling of well being when I open the refrigerator or pantry to see that we have what we need.

I am very likely to eat lunch at home and get more done around the house. 

We have healthy choices for every meal.   

We save a great deal of money by not eating out.  

We are all much much happier. 

Let's talk about why it is mentally so difficult to get to the grocery store.

Anyone?

I planted a sweet potato vine in my cutting garden. You may already have a bad feeling in your stomach.... 

Let me explain.  

It was a new garden bed, raised, in a curve to accent the curve of my kitchen window right in the center of my backyard where I could see it from every window on the back of the house. A beautiful blank canvas of dirt, tilled and ready for me to do with whatever I wanted.  

I planted it over several days and with several trips to Martin's, cutting garden heaven on earth.  Everything about this project was bringing great joy and inspiration to my daily life.  I have always wanted a cutting garden, wild and spilling over so that I could run outside with my clippers and bring in a jumbled basket of beauty to arrange and set around the house. 

 

The problem with bringing my garden dream into reality has been that the season a garden needs to be planted is SPRING.  In our home spring requires that our family gear up for the fly by the seat of your pants systematically chaotic season of end of the year projects, programs, history fair, AAU basketball, choir performances, three baseball teams, Kids Marathon, school play, and a little PCA soccer thrown in for good measure.  Therefore in the past I have tried to satisfy my cutting garden longing with clusters of pots on the patio, and I enjoyed them, but they were not the same as the garden I had imagined.  And now it was to be a reality.

          Everything was going along fine with the project until I finished planting.  I had enjoyed the process of choosing colors, textures, differing shades of foliage so much that I had even spaced my plants a bit closer than recommended so that I could squeeze in a few more choices  - maybe the same way we handle life.  But as I looked out the window, or sat on the patio, my garden was not satisfying. 

I was not content.  It looked too.... empty.  

I had zinnias in four shades, petunias, miniature roses, Black Eyed Susans and gerber daisies, several types of ground cover in pink, yellow, and lavender, salvia, a very beautiful mixture of height, color, and texture that were sure to grow into the jumbled tumbling cottage garden look that I was hoping for.  

Grow into.  Not today.  

Not tomorrow.  Growth takes time. 

But I had waited already, years for my garden. 

I wanted to enjoy it now, full and lush.

   I was already a friend of the sweet potato vine from my use of it in pots.  It is a

 unique shade of light green, large leaves which look beautiful against almost any other plant, and it is extremely fast growing.  I imagined its bright green leaves intertwined with my hot pink and yellow zinnias, curling around the base of my miniature roses and I was sold.  Actually it was sold to me, by Martin's, within the hour, just three small plants.  I didn't want to overwhelm my garden with it.  I planted it at one end of the bed and pulled its tendrils in between the baby zinnias and salvia.  It already looked much better.  Instant gratification.

And it did grow.  It was so beautiful mixed with the zinnias as they increased in number.  The other end of the garden bed lagged behind in beauty, lacking the vibrant sweet potato vine.  I has clearly made a good choice and wished I had planted more.   It heaped over the side of the bed walls, cascading onto the grass, and weaved its way toward the middle of the garden, putting down new roots, lush and green.  For weeks it multiplied, filling in the gaps.  I was away for a few weeks, vacations and such,  and was amazed at the lush green of this part of the garden on my return.  Beautiful. 

Until I looked closer.

The other end of the bed had matured.  Small pink zinnias, yellow puffy marigolds, giant orange zinnias, blue violet petunias, delicate pink and red roses.  Beautiful variations in size and color, spilling into each other, a glorious tangled mess of variety and balance just as I had dreamed.  The sweet potato vine end of the garden was looking very..... sweet potato vine green.  The voracious vine had rapidly overwhelmed every other plant nearby.  The garden at that end had dwindled to a couple of sickly looking yellow zinnia blooms, maybe one pink, and a couple of cone flowers rising up behind and a mass of sweet potato vine.  

And I did nothing.  I dreaded the task of dealing with it.  

I was irritated by its presence, irritated by my choice to put it here, dreading examining the damage that had been done.  So I let it go  a bit longer.  From far away the garden still looked green and healthy.  But I knew and I was bothered.  

I have had other sweet potato vines in my life.  

In other types of gardens.  

The garden of a new home, new school year gardens, new relationship gardens, gardens of a new season of life.  I tend to like to fill things up, with relationships, activity, plans, improvements, even beauty.  Sometimes it is hard to wait for growth and maturity.  I have planted sweet potato vines in the form of premature purchases, too many social events, commitments to projects, even Bible Studies I did not have time to devote to.  Most of these "vines" are in actuality good things when properly planted with boundaries - like the walls of a pot - room to grow without overcrowding.  But sometimes even when properly planted something in our life is left to grow too long, oversteps the season of life it belonged in, and needs to be removed. There have been beloved projects that I began, nurtured, tended and now they are healthy and ready to stand on their own or to be transplanted to the care of someone else. They are overgrown in my life and are crowding out the things God has called me to for this season.

  Finally, one day I pulled up in the driveway, saw the vine spilling out of the bed onto the lawn, and decided to at least clip it back.  As I began to clip, I found dead grass underneath, cut off from the sunlight.  I decided to pull the vine out from the roots and realized that was impossible because the vine had sent out new roots every several inches.  The ripping out turned out to be a lot more difficult that the planting,  and the damage was extensive because the roots of the vine were intertwined with the plants I wanted to keep.  I discovered withered plants underneath, damage that did not show on the surface.  When I was finished I had a very very lopsided garden, one end the picture of health and balance, the other ruins left by my impatience and lack of discretion. 

And I have been here before - facing the task of untangling an item, a commitment, a relationship from my life or whose time has passed or which never should have been planted.  Those "sweet potato vines" were sometimes planted to fill a space that would have been better left open for growth - maturity over time - in areas of beauty that I had already planted.  Other times they are just the result of the natural cycle of pruning that must be done periodically to allow growth to continue.  Either way there is pain in the removal.  

The result may be lopsided ruins for a time. 

 But only for a time.

The tattered sweet potato vine end of my garden is shaping up.  The pink and yellow strangled zinnias are sending out new buds like crazy.  The brown and withered salvia have greened up from sunlight.  The plants that belong in my garden are no longer fighting for water and nutrients due to over crowding.  Everything is maturing nicely.  So it goes in our lives.  A longtime project turned over to new hands springs to life

under a new perspective.  An activity that has run its course in our life is "retired" in order to pursue a true passion and  the passion flourishes, as does our spirit.  The effort to maintain too many surface relationships is focused on a few and those friendships deepen.  As I examine my life, and ask for eyes to see what to plant and what to remove, I find His plan to be where I flourish and am most satisfied.

Plant, prune, grow.