Returning

"In repentance (returning) and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength...... Isaiah 30:15

I adore this verse.  It was first given to me at a most painful time, when I was craving relief from hard things, and my salvation at that time was, in fact quite literally, rest .... and.... quiet ... and trust.  I gave myself permission to withdraw from as many everyday demands as possible and to rest in the arms of my Savior. In quiet, He held me, comforted me, and that time of rest and quiet WAS my ONLY strength. Every day I would get away by myself to be still before Him; I would write His word into my notebook(s) and as a result into my thoughts.  It was a place of desperation where I could not function without Him.  It was a sweet time in a way in spite of the pain.  Because of the pain.  Over time, through His healing of my heart, my countenance was restored.  

Unfortunately.  

There is a second part of this verse:

but you would have none of it." (emphasis mine)

God was laying out before Israel, through Isaiah, the fact that he offered to them salvation through repentance and resting quietly in His provision for them, but they were obstinate in their pursuits of protection and relief in other sources. (them: oracles, Pharaoh, idols,  whining    -    me: counsel of man, spa treatments, naps, books, etc..)  

Presently, my life is lacking in quiet.  Each day is full to the brim with "to do" and left undone.  The things that are filling my days are wonderful things for the most part (minus laundry). But it is more than I can do well, so I stay up later and get up earlier but see little real progress.  Why?  I am craving the quiet and permission to live there. It is not only in the pain that I need him, but in the abundance.  I want to be His, all His, poured out and used up. But being poured out requires living maximally, not reserving supplies for later.  At this level of "living", which is the life that I desire, quiet and rest in Him are required in daily doses as my strength is depleted each day.  The quiet I crave is not only physical in terms of "lack of noise", though physical quiet often brings sweet revelation.  I have found that it is more about a quietness in my heart and mind that is the long lasting source of strength and foundation of peace which carries me long after I have left the physical quiet.

In repentance, in returning to Christ's presence with all of my confessions of failure, my anxieties and fears, my hopes and needs, I am reminded of who He is, all He is, and who I am, which is HIS.  A sister, and child, an heir, beloved, forgiven, protected, redeemed, adopted, secure, free, established in Him.  As I declare who He is I am changed.  I am quieted and I am strong.  

Not because I am, but because of I AM.